Body Love Vol. 1

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February the month of love. All about showing love to others and how much they mean to you.

In all honesty... I hate Valentine's Day. I know I will probably get people pissed off by this one. But I think it is a bunch of total crap. It makes people feel like shit if they have no one to share it with and it puts added pressure on those who do have relationships; in a way that they must prove on this ONE specific day how much they love and adore the person they have chosen to be with.

I don't know about you, but I think that everyday we should show the people we care about how much we love and treasure them. There should never have to be one special occasion in order to do so. I also think that random days and moments in sharing that love is way more meaningful anyways. Anyone can purchase flowers and candy for someone on a holiday- because you are “meant” to. It is a totally different story to do it just because you can’t wait do something super special for the person you love.

Okay enough of my cynical ramblings about Valentine's Day.  My ADD kicked in - I actually wanted to talk about something different today. Not about the love for others- though of course that is super important. But perhaps even more important, is the love that you have for yourself.

Never being someone who was happy with my physical appearance and always picking apart and being negative about other traits- not smart enough, confident enough, rich enough, you know- the basics. These past few months have been possibly some of the hardest in accepting who I am. From suffering with postpartum depression to the physical changes in my body after carrying my twins. That SELF- LOVE just hasn’t been there.

I had been beating myself up that I needed to workout and eat healthy and if I did that then I would automatically feel so much better and back to "normal". 

Well I tried that. And I failed and I felt even more shitty about myself.

Here is what happened. Since October 2016 I had kept trying to push my body to workout and do things like I used to - the only problem was I wasn’t in the physical condition to do so. I kept comparing myself to other moms who had just had babies and were back at it right away and melting away all those baby pounds they gained. I kept trying to food prep- but I had two little ones to take care of and no matter how much we both tried to get this to work out- it just was not happening. If we made the food it would go bad bc we would forget to eat OR because I didn’t pay attention to the fact that I hadn’t eaten all day- I would consume WAY too much at night and not have meals for later on in the week! #momlifestruggles

So I felt like total shit. The already present depressive feelings only intensified by the fact that I failed at the stuff I  so easily excelled in just a year prior.

It was time to show myself some compassion. To admit to myself that this is where I am. To accept my body just as it is. In order to do this I had to get brutally honest and then find the positives.

So I did what my OCD self does best- I made a list- I wrote all those funky feels out. It went something like this:

I hate the weight that I have gained from my pregnancy.

I beat myself up over it almost daily; but then I also have this really weird thing happen. I often will now look at myself in the mirror with more love for my body than I did two years ago when I was at an ideal weight with muscle definition.

I sometimes sit there and cry over this duality I feel when I look at myself.

I am working hard to reclaim my health. I want to be strong, I want to be fit, I want to live a long ass life to watch my kids grow, I want get back into those size 4 jeans (hey- don't judge I said this me having to get super honest!)

Now it was time to show myself some love and be grateful for exactly where I am- at this moment. 

1. My body supported me throughout an incredibly complex pregnancy- it gave me two little miracles

2. If I didn't gain weight, there is a good chance my babies wouldn't have been as born as big and strong as they were

3. My body was in good shape and health prior, which allowed me to not get other illnesses you are at a higher risk for during pregnancy, especially a multiple pregnancy (not that people who aren’t in good health can't have things happen, I just think it helped me personally due to my history )

4. Having this extra "fluff" (as an old friend calls it) enables me to hold two babies at once without falling over. That extra padding also allows them both to crawl all over me without fighting over space, my tummy is large enough for them both to rest on (okay, maybe joking here a little, but there is some truth!)

5. If I didn't go through this experience, I wouldn't be able to relate as well to other moms who may have had a complicated pregnancy or tough time losing the weight.

All things happen for a reason. I believe my experience will allow me to connect with so many other people on a greater deeper level, which means I will be able to help so many more than I had originally planned. extra bonus!

It is so easy to beat yourself up for how you look. It is HARD to find the beauty and acceptance in the things you deem as flawed.

 There is way more to be grateful for when you dig a little deeper. And that is where the start of loving and accepting yourself starts. 

I challenge you to look into the mirror tonight -- to look at things that stare back at you that you feel discomfort or sadness and change the story.

What does that c section scar, saggy tummy, stretch marks, un -perky boobs really mean?

I bet you can come up with some amazing stuff (this is not just for mamas- I had plenty of this going on before I had my babes!!- I wish I could have looked at it differently than rather than making myself sick over it!)

Make a list like I did- I bet there is so much more to be grateful for, and love behind each and every one of those "imperfections."

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Thumbnail Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash